I went on a date with the American version of the TV show “Wilfred”. She was incredibly attractive in an unusual sort of way. She seduced me very quickly with her odd ideas and humor. I overlooked a bit of immaturity and within 30 minutes, I was heels over head.
Now, we no longer speak to each other.
Wilfred is a show staring Elijah Wood and Jason Gann and airs on FX. Elijah Wood plays Ryan, a suicidal and possibly psychotic young man, and Jason Gann plays a dog. Ryan is the only one who can see and communicate with the dog like a human. In fact, when Ryan sees the dog, the dog is just a man in a dog costume.
This aspect of the show was immediately compelling. I mean, what a great concept! The trailer for the show looked darkly hilarious and ripe for multiple layers of meaning.
That’s how Wilfred was on date 1 – or the pilot date. In the beginning, Ryan is typing on his computer gleefully and says, “nailed it.” We see the title of the document read “Suicide Letter”. I was charmed. Ryan then can’t seem to die, and after staying up all night waiting for it, the morning hits and he sees for the first time Jason Gann as Wilfred.
The first date wrapped up nicely, and I felt that I may have a bright future with this show. I also felt that the date stood well on its own. If I was only seeing Wilfred for one night and then she was shipping off somewhere, I would have been satisfied.
But oh no…the second date. This was less of everything the first date had and I felt that I was beginning to see underneath the flashy outer shell. Wilfred was now more comfortable with me, and she was showing me more of the immature humor and cheesy lines that she had held back on the first date.
I felt like we both weren’t really being ourselves and perhaps we were a little nervous about the potential we both had. My expectations were too high and she was a little too presumptuous. So, I agreed to see her again.
The most painful part of the third date was that my hopes were so high and fell so far.
Ryan is confronted by a disgusting slob from down the street. Previously, Ryan and Wilfred stole marijuana plants from this man and Ryan crapped in his boots. This was a kind of payback because the slob was constantly revving his motorcycle at all hours of the night. Rrrrrright.
When we meet the slob, he wants to befriend Ryan. It really just goes downhill from there. They go to a strip club, they watch porn, and the slob is nothing more than a slob.
She wouldn’t stop making stupid jokes about clichéd trashiness. Her once lowbrow humor that I felt contained a bit of irony was revealed to have none of the wit behind it.
As Wilfred and I spoke…or rather she spoke and I sat there trying to pay attention…I realized that she was not the dark, intelligent, and sometimes beautifully silly person I originally thought she would be. Instead, she was one of those people who sit around playing Halo all day drinking crappy beer and talking about how much better they could write TV shows. She thinks that the more references to sex, violence, weed, and unrealistic stupidity makes the show better. I disagreed silently.
As we were parting, I didn’t even try to go in for the kiss. Wilfred could sense I was pulling away I think, and she handed me the next episode.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be great…Ryan tries to reconnect with his sister because he’s been such a little douche bag around her. Ha! I said douche bag! Isn’t that sooo funny in like a cutting edge way? I think Ryan’s going to pick his nose or something and Wilfred is going to say something that a dog would say, but like, he’s a human, so it’s weird that he’s saying it. You know?” she said.
“Ooooh, great,” I said.
I kept her number in case I want to give her another shot. Maybe she’s just being how she thinks I want her to be. Maybe in time she will calm down and stop trying so hard.
As of right now, I just feel disappointed and alone. She would never give me enough credit, you know? When she made a joke that was good…the few times she did… and she would explain it over and over. I would have to say, “yeah, I got it the first time.”
Why can’t I find a TV show that gets me? Is it that hard? With all the shows in this big ocean of television, you would figure there would be one for guys like me.
After getting back from my third date with Wilfred, I sat on the couch and thought about past loves who came and went like Arrested Development, Party Down, Six Feet Under, and Firefly.
There were also some great romances that were passionate for a while and then changed like The Simpsons – now, things are weird between the two of us and we don’t talk to each other much.
Some of them say they’re going to call, but never do like Mad Men.
As days passed, I considered calling Wilfred. So far, I have not.
Jade Shames The Blog 